Decree
by JMHaughey
Summary: Castle told Beckett he loved her. She heard. What happens now? Tags for S4.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: My FIRST Castle fic. Could it be my last?**

**Castle ladies – For you! **

**Thanks GCatsPJs for the read through and honesty. **

**Disclaimer: I don't even own this. **

oOo

**Rick**. He never had a problem attracting woman. He'd wine and dine them, take them to all the hotspots in New York City. Sometimes he even treat himself to a tryst while on a book tour. With two ex-wives, he figured it was justified, indulgent.

**Castle.** Crazy people did crazy things, but always made for a fantastic story. Being a best-selling crime novelist, it was understandable that real detectives would need his consultation. Like his fictional detectives, he doesn't rest until the killer is caught. He figured this case would buy him some time. He was good with women, he understood them.

Until he didn't.

Insert Homicide Detective Kate Beckett. She pulled no punches. She saw cases through to their very end, making sure they couldn't. . . they wouldn't fall apart in court. Her personal history allows her to empathize with the relatives and it makes her rise above to do her job better.

Castle needed her. Not for research, not for police procedures, not for his personal gain. He needed her to love him. Every single day, he hoped it was that day. The day they got things right, the day they got to the same page, they day they got their moment. But neither said anything about it. They talked around it. They both knew. They have confronted it before but that ended badly.

Castle lost Beckett once. He said it, he went there. _Oh, Kate. Shh. Kate ,please. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate_. While he stood there in that hospital wing waiting for word she would be alright, that his Kate would come back to him, he wondered something; Why did he back down in front of her so many times? Was it because he was afraid of what she would say? Was it because if he had to he'd settle for this rather than nothing at all? Was it because he couldn't fight anymore? He loved her. He told her. Did she already know? Did she hear him? Would she love him back?

oOo

**Kate. **Fractured, broken. Her mother, her amazing mother was taken from her so suddenly. She vowed to find person that took her away, forcing her to grow up faster than most. Taking care of her father, getting him past his depression and alcoholism. She had no one to lean on. Until, she became a detective. She was able to help those victimized find closure, even if she couldn't have it or find it for her own peace of mind.

Richard Castle's Derek Storm novels helped Kate get through the pain, the loss, and unknown of her mother's murder. She waited in line for every new book. She would look at the autograph, each starting with "Kate. . ." then a line and finished with his famous scribble. It was oddly comforting. Sometimes she would just run her fingers along the spine of all his books to bring back the power that their contents had over her . He held answers to questions she hadn't thought about. He helped her survive, but he would never know that.

**Beckett. **If you a wanted a murder solved, you put Beckett on the case. She finds the truth, the evidence and the guilty party. She is one of the best at her job. Her trauma fueled her work. It is what kept her driven. Paired with her sidekicks, Espryan, they were unstoppable. When Richard Castle, came to consult on an unsolved case, she knew her professional and personal lives would intersect again. After all, some things can't be separated. Of course, having Castle around the 12th turned out to be a good thing. He picked up on random, crazy outlandish things, but that's what made him a great asset to the team. That's what drew the focus from the mundane to the outrageous. Though she figured after one case, he'd be gone. That didn't happen. Four years later, he was there mostly every day. Side by side they worked to together to bounce ideas, theories, and motives in a rhythm that triggered excitement with every word.

Sometimes cases leave an indelible mark. Sometimes good cops get caught in ugly things. They have to carry it with them forever. Once again, the lines between work and play are blurred. Self-preservation saves you. Beckett had to protect her family. She stood there, spoke about her Captain and gave her emotion laden speech from her heart. She didn't hear the shot aimed for her. It happened so quickly. It was a split second and she felt Castle on top of her, begging her to hold on. She was trying to hold on for herself, her mother, her father and Castle. She wasn't finished. She didn't have closure. Castle held her tightly. She felt his breath, she heard his words. She had to stay. She wouldn't leave him. She loved him. She didn't tell him that. She wasn't ready.

She had a brick wall fortified around her. He was the one that had the hammer. Eventually, it would have to come down.

_**Let me know if stumbling into the Castle fandom was mistake. Or not! **_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: RositaLG, thanks for reading! **

**Disclaimer: The usual. **

oOo

**Kate ****Beckett. **Every morning she looked in the mirror and her hand automatically traced her scar down her side then moved to the bullet hole above her heart. Her heart was protected before that day, nothing in or out. Her mind goes back, snippets from the funeral; The gunshot, the chaos, Castle. "Beckett, down." _I __love __you._

A daily reminder of a bullet that did not kill her.

A daily reminder that a killer was still out there.

A daily reminder she was still alive but losing the ability to function.

Voices faded in and out. She heard partial words and conversations. Questions being asked of her for which she did not have the answers to; she could only stare blankly. Beckett was holding everyone at arms length. This was _her _fight. She looked down at her hands, they were shaking. She was trying to keep it together but she did not know how much longer this could go on. Her throat constricted and she was confused. She was holding back the tears. She was going head first down a spiral. When would this stop - when they caught this sniper? Or when they caught the person who shot her?

Out of control. There are pills for everything, right?

oOo

Fine. _I'm __fine. _How much longer would this be an acceptable answer? Were they just giving her the space she needed?

Her unsteady hand reached for the bottle of alcohol. She took another swig. Memories flashed before her and she fell off the couch knocking over the table. The bottle shattered and glass imbedded into her skin, blood ran down her arm - she didn't care. Someone was still after her, this is what drove her. She wanted. . . no, she needed to feel alive again.

The sniper shot. The kick of the rifle heard in the cemetary. _Oh __my __god! __Get __down. __Kate._

The race into the hospital. The voices around her were incoherent. _Gunshot __to __the __chest. __Losing __a __lot __of __blood. __Surgery __now._

The beeps of monitors - flatlining. The paddles to her chest. The incision into her side. _Come __on, __Kate. __Stay __with __us._

Fine.

oOo

She was not the type to run away. She confronted her problems head on, except for now. Castle was right, she did not know how to escape her mother's murder or her own assassination attempt. She had her back against the wall. She had to let the tears go. What else could she do? She was walking on tightrope and the cable just snapped. Free-falling.

Beckett threw her badge down. Her badge protected her, gave her strength, and the ability to do her job. Right now, that badge failed her; it didn't protect her when she got shot. She didn't have strength to fight anymore. She hid behind this badge for so long, she didn't know who she was without it. She needed to separate herself. She just didn't know how.

oOo

They were a family. They all had to look after each other. If one was heading down the wrong path, another would help or get help. They could not survive without each other. You take one away – strength, protection and purpose are diminished. Espo held out a rifle, explaining it was just steel. She knew she had to stop hiding. Sometimes words weren't need. Shared tears were enough. He gave her the strength she needed. No matter how many times she said, _I'm __fine. __I'm __fine, _she had to believe it but she hoped they did too.

oOo

Whatever you call them – revelations, epiphanies, lightning bolts, signs, eye-openers – they occur because a perception has shifted. Maybe this change happens because there is nowhere left to go. Running to stand still.

Letting go is never easy, especially to something that has defined you, your life path, and every consequential decision you have made. It usually does not happen overnight. It could take days, weeks or even years but by beginning the process, healing begins.

_Fine. _

_**Thanks for reading. . . I appreciate it! **_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks Laura for the read-through. **

**Disclaimer – you know the drill. **

oOo

**Rick ****Castle. **He watched his partner look at the victim's body. Single gun shot the chest – identical to hers, except she was alive. She had to thinking about that day, right? Because if he was still thinking about it, she must have been.

It was not an uncommon occurrence, travelling around the city to investigate more than one victim. A part of him liked this. Out on the streets - scoping up information to track down a killer, talking to family, friends and acquaintances, and being with her. His partner was the best at her job, but sometimes if the case took an interesting turn, she compartmenalized. She lived for the end - justice. He began to notice she was suffering more than she let on.

Falling to the ground after a cruiser pulls up. _Not __fine._

The vacant look behind her bold brown eyes. _Not __fine._

Shortness, quickness or disregard for answers. _Not __fine._

She was out of reach. _Not __fine._

Not fine.

oOo

He stopped asking her, "How are you?" Not that he didn't care but she would just reply _fine. _She was anything but. As a writer, he thought of some many responses to that question that didn't include Beckett's choice. He thought of the scene from _Pretty __Woman_; after Vivan and Edward got back from the polo match, he kept asking her how she was – she just responded with, "Fine." He asked for another word, she gave him another word, "Asshole." Then he said, "I think I like fine better." At this point, he would take any other word.

oOo

All he could do was look down and watch as she tumbled down the rabbit hole. He could reach his hand out to grab hold of her, but she would just ignore it. She would angrily respond this was her fight. This had become _their _fight long ago. He wasn't the only who wanted this bastard caught.

He deferred to Esposito on this one because as much as knew what made Beckett tick, he couldn't help. Selfishly, he wanted her better. He wanted. . . no needed her better because the path she was on was destructive. He used to be an outsider but they accepted him into this tight knit family. If one member needed help, the others figured out exactly how to do it. Maybe it would take time. Maybe it would take one talk. Maybe it would take money. Maybe it would take venegeance. Maybe it would take space. It didn't matter. They would fix it. Together.

oOo

When his partner appeared at the coffee shop, he knew she was back. He gazed at her; her brown eyes full of life again. Her skin had regained its color. She wasn't afraid anymore. She figured out how the sniper was choosing his victims. She did it.

In order to help someone you love heal; a deflection occurs, it's not because you do not care, it's because you care so much, you'd go to the ends of the Earth to make the pain go away. Except that isn't reality. He may never know what Esposito said but that didn't matter. His partner had come back. He had to make sure she stayed.

Fine.

oOo

So, he sat down in the chair next to his partner's desk. His place - it felt right. He could write books, sure. He knew about police procedures and crazy cases that he didn't need to consult anymore but he did for her. He made his choice, he was bound by that. She was a handful, he was drawn to that. He would stand with her. He would not push. He would give her space. He would bring her coffee. He would love her. Always.

_Fine. _

**Thanks for reading – Let me know what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I didn't abandon this. Sometimes the muse goes into hiding, much like winter hiatus. **

**Thanks Laura, for the read-through and feedback.**

* * *

><p><strong>Castle. <strong>His left wrist felt a small tug as he heard, "Castle. . ." He just laid there with his eyes closed. He heard his name again. "Castle, wake up." He opened his eyes to see his partner laying beside him. Kate. Some mildy inappropriate things filled his mind. _God, she looked beautiful. Her long brown locks were curled and hung down past her shoulders. That blue turtleneck she was wearing accented her eyes. _He knew there were certain things he was supposed to notice about women. (To compliment them.) Also, he noticed Kate had been wearing her hair up the last few weeks – he knew she was hiding something – but now she was back so hair was back down. She was beautiful all the time.

He'd been worried about her. He knew that sometimes he just has to step aside and let things happen. He loved her that much he knew. He wanted to tell her, again but this brush with death wasn't exactly the ideal moment for the _love _talk to happen. He knew that he'd have the chance again. For now, he'd take these little moments. He knew that living like this was better than not having her here at all.

**Beckett. **Unconsciously, she turned her head and rested her hand on his chest. As she felt warmth radiate from him, she also felt something cold against her skin. She woke up and looked at her partner. "Castle. . ." Her partner whispered "Don't get up. Stay in bed." She looked over at her partner again. She was trying to reconstruct how this happened. It was going to take awhile, but they had nowhere else to go.

She loved him. She liked waking up next to him, even if it was because of drugs and she couldn't remember it. She knew she had to work on herself, her demons; the things she thought defined her. She need to stand alone, be brave and re-learn who she was but this man. . . this man next to her resting his head on her arm, the man cuffed to her, the man trying to recreate the last night would always be there. She could yell or give him the silent treatment, she could try to ignore him, she could disappear down a hole of despair – none of it mattered, really. Because even without the cuffs they were bound by for the time being, she didn't want to share her cuffs with anyone else.

**Castle and Beckett. **Cuffed. Of course, they worked great together, they were partners. They often are in close proximity to each other. But this experience, this was new. Trying to escape from a dungeon hole while handcuffed together. And why weren't they cuffed right hand to left hand? When they were tranquilized did they land in a way that made it easier? Was Castle holding onto to Beckett to make sure she was alright? Answers always lead to more questions. Day by day they would find them.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>_


End file.
